Tell me if this has happened to you. You arrive at a friend of a friend’s house for a social gathering, you notice that the average age of the people there trends a bit older and you come across a couple people chatting at the refreshment bar. They’re in an animated discussion about one of the medications they’ve been prescribed and how much a month it costs. You sidle down the table and someone comes up to you and says, “You look like a runner.” Which of these conversationalists is older? With which do you want to have a conversation? Which of these conversationalists is likely to live a longer, happier and more fulfilling life? Choose wisely.
A professional with whom I work offered the explanation that people of retirement age and older may no longer have a professional job, or a current resume, but they all have an ache, some other symptom or a recent visit to their health care provider. Good health care is part of a longer healthier life, to be sure, but talking about aches and pains does not add to a longer or healthier life. Yet, it is a go-to conversation for many folks of an age and it negatively impacts our mind-set about aging and about ourselves.
Having a positive view of aging, according to a longitudinal study of 660 older adults, quantified this. Those who had a positive perspective around aging had lower blood pressure, a reduced risk of dementia and lived an average of seven and a half years longer than those who had a negative view of aging. The negative views of aging can start early in life with way too many stereotypes of crochety old men yelling at neighborhood kids encroaching on their grass. So, this age gestalt is like a lot of the ideas we have – it starts early and tends to find experiences or other people who will reinforce the world view. Choose differently.
You may recall the 1994 movie, Shawshank Redemption, in which a wiser inmate, played by Morgan Freeman, informs the newly-incarcerated inmate, played by Tim Robbins, that each day you decide if “you’re living or dying.” That’s a bit of drama, but a pair of authors, Crowley and Lodge, offered a roadmap of a book titled “Younger Next Year.” They tone it down a bit suggesting that the simple choice of being active versus being sedentary has huge implications for our well-being…and it’s built into our DNA. Hunters and gatherers not only fed themselves, but they signaled their bodies that they were up for thriving. Those of their peers who slunk back from the challenges told their bodies they had given up, they had given in to decay instead of moving to thriving.
So, what can you do? Choose taking a long walk, preferably with a friend or spouse, over sitting on the couch with the control in your hand. Choose friends who talk about what they do, what they’ve done and what they plan to do over those who only talk about aches and pains.
Start journaling – today – about every example you witness of an older individual. After accumulating examples for a week or two, then sort them out into positive and negative role models. And then the best part…follow the good examples. Be involved in civic activities, be actively engaged in walking, swimming or pickle ball. Set goals and look for more role models, not platitudes. Don’t practice being overly sweet and complimentary: “Oh, you don’t look a day over…number filled in here.” Practice being a “positivity seeker,” and you’ll see the positive even in yourself. The more you practice this, the more positive you’ll become, the more folks who also are positive will seek you…and you’ll feel better and live longer. It’s not just the snap of your fingers that will magically transform you, but your new positive outlook and lifestyle will serve you well and put more candles on your birthday cake.
Charlotte Bishop is an Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia.
