In Home Caregiver

Caregivers and their Medicare?
Yes, you read it right. I am posting this one about what caregivers should know about their Medicare. But...
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September 12, 2013
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In the Caregiver's Words

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Last week, we talked about how to overcome depression and melancholy after the holidays as a caregiver. For some, the emotions and attitudes of those around them can affect state-of-being as well. If the person you’re providing care for is also feeling down, it might weigh down on you too. We’ve said previously that it is important to take care of the caregiver in order to provide the best for your loved one. However, sometimes assessing the loved one’s emotional needs might help everyone in the household survive post-holiday blues. Here are a couple of quick tips on how to approach a senior or loved one that is feeling down after the holidays.

Sometimes a little bit of rest helps. You may not have to do anything out of the ordinary other than be there for each other and take a break. After the holidays, everyone – including the person you’re caregiving for – is probably exhausted. This can contribute to being down and out for a while. Sometimes it’s best to just let those feelings live while allowing everyone to wind down and rejuvenate after an exciting holiday time.

Feelings of nostalgia of how things used to be can affect the person you’re caring for too. After the holidays is a prime time to reflect on year’s past and about how the holiday just doesn’t feel the same. Even without engaging in feelings of nostalgia, emotional stress regarding health and finances may take its toll. Providing a positive distraction for both you and your loved one might help with these feelings. For instance, taking them out for a relaxing stroll, engaging in some form of activity, or simply having a quiet meal together may help tremendously.

Above all, simply understanding you and your loved one’s feelings– recognizing it, and doing your best to overcome them will help get you through those tough times.

Charlotte Bishop is a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Case Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. Please email your questions to ccbishop@creativecasemanagement.com.
So my professional label is a certified geriatric care manager, but it could as easily be caregiver support team member. Almost invariably when I or one of our geriatric care management professionals begins work with a new client, we really are working in support of the family network, not just the older parent or loved one. And the dynamic often reminds me how caregiving to an older parent can be a lot like parenting to a new child, especially if it is the first time for the caregiver. Then, I reflect on a book from 1988 by a child psychologist named Bruno Bettelheim who talked about being a "good enough parent," and I try to offer similar rules for caregivers. A lot of caregivers I encounter put themselves through a lot of stress, because they are following some artificially high standards for caregiving when they should work at just being a "good enough caregiver." Just as Bettelheim did not offer specific steps to raising perfect children, I am not going to offer specific steps to caregiving as much as some guidelines for being "good enough:"
- Some caregivers set very high standards for what they will take on to help an older parent, but they also may have a job, a partner or children or a life; the caregiver does not have to be all things to all people, just good enough.
- Some caregivers have what may appear to be a perfect peace with their parents, but a lot are trying at this later stage of life to make peace with mom or dad; a caregiver needs to remember that the peacemaking is a two way street, so just put forth a good enough effort.
- Some caregivers seem to find it hard to ask for and accept help from others as they care for an older adult; a caregiver can be more effective as the coach of the team allowing the care managers to "carry the ball" and that also is good enough.
- Some caregivers seem to see how their older parents are fairing as a direct reflection on their caregiving; an older loved one will be their own person, and a caregiver has to accept that they will have done good enough regardless.
- Some caregivers interpret an older loved one's actions as judgments of their caregiving when those actions may have little to do with the caregiver; an older mom's stoicism may not be a rebuke to the caregiver as much as it is a way to deal with the loss she has faced after losing her spouse, and that has to be good enough for the caregiver.
- Finally, some caregivers have role models that may come out of television drama where everyone is just perfect; but life is not scripted like a movie, and at the end of the day a caregiver gets to write her/his own closing song that will be good enough.
Charlotte Bishop is founder of Creative Care Management, certified geriatric care management professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. Please email your questions to ccbishop@creativecasemanagement.com.
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Associate Care Manager Gregory Peebles returns with a series on the Internet and aging. Gregory is both a Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) and Certified Dementia Practitioner (CDP) whose work focuses on helping aging adults and folks with limited independence by providing resources and support to help them discover and lead their best lives. Gregory has been a part of CCM, Inc. for over a decade. – Charlotte Since one of the primary uses of the Internet is to find things, it was inevitable that we would turn to it when looking for love. The “market” responded, and these days it seems thereare as many web sites and apps as there are people looking to date. Older adults, not wanting to be left out of any opportunities, now have match-making services that cater exclusively their cohort’s desire to connect, or to reconnect after loss. What advice can we give to aging adults and those who support them in living their fullest lives?
1. Be ready. Trying to start a relationship at any stage in life is complicated. It’s especially tough to get “back in the swing” after profound loss. Even caregivers and family should leave space for lots of complex feelings, staying ready for extra conversation. If you or your loved one is experiencing more difficulty than is comfortable, talk therapy can be of great assistance working through grief or even into “learned loneliness.”
2. Get creative. A good profile shows personality and flair, while also being honest and accessible. Anyone looking to create an online persona should ask friends to take new, current pictures, brainstorming with confidantes about what makes the relationship-seeker unique. We know only the subjective portion of ourselves. Outside perspective can really help us understand what others experience when they encounter us.
3. Avoid clichés. Lots of people like “long walks on the beach,” but if someone has a special knowledge of tides, or shells, that’s a point of connection or interest. Potential dates know then that the walk won’t be just aerobic awkward silence.
4. Stay safe. Online dating isn’t dangerous, but successful users of the service know that precautions are necessary. They start by having conversations on a mobile device, as landlines can be traced to an address. When it’s time to meet, they make sure to do so in a very public space - best for coffee or lunch - transitioning to more privacy or less daylight only once trust has been established.
5. Stay safe, the sequel. If the relationship becomes physical, intimacy should be safe. (Please note that if you are the adult child to an older loved one that intimacy can span everything from holding hands, so be sensitive, and don’t assume.) That said, the numbers regarding disease transmission among older adults continue to rise at alarming rates. Yet, intimacy is natural, and everyone has a right to enjoy it. You thought “that talk” was awkward when you were an adolescent child to your parent! Appreciate that everyone also has a right to stay healthy through conversation and proper precaution.
6. Remain positive. It would be great to meet Mr/Ms Right immediately, but the old saying about kissing frogs remains true at any stage of life. It’s also true that a positive connection of any kind—even if not potentially romantic—is preferable to self-isolation. Meeting folks with open-ended mindset is a healthy way to begin any relationship any
Charlotte Bishop is a best-selling author , Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Care Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago.

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