Chicago's Geriatric Care Manager Center of Excellence – Since 1991 • caregiversChicago's Geriatric Care Manager Center of Excellence - Since 1991 | Page 15

What to Look for When Your Loved One Needs You But Can’t Ask
Associate Care Manager Gregory Peebles returns with a talk about hidden signals of aging that need our attention. Gregory...
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July 31, 2017
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Five Things Caregivers Should Know About Ridesharing
This week I asked Gregory Peebles to talk about the topic of ridesharing from the vantage point of his...
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July 23, 2017
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A House is Not a Home (Part 3)
At CCM, home and safety are as important to us as to you, so it’s no surprise that it’s...
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June 18, 2017
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Plug In and Light Up the Holidays
Who doesn’t love indulging during the holiday season? Rich food, delicious drinks, and decadent desserts make every gathering something...
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December 16, 2015
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Respite Care – The Holiday Gift to Yourself
Be honest if you’re a caregiver and you can answer YES to more than one of these questions. Sit...
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November 23, 2015
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In the Caregiver's Words

Recent Client Praise

During this seemingly relentless pandemic, it may be difficult to think about longevity as the COVD virus has swept through all populations in all countries with some scary and mortal consequences. But let’s be aware of the miracle – seemingly overnight – that science emerged with not just one, but multiple vaccinations to protect us against the scourge. In similar fashion, science has been creating the opportunity to extend both quality and quantity of life for decades. There are some scientists who mathematically and medically argue that the first person who will live to 150 years old is already born and walking among us…some say the 200 year old is in the crowd also. Not all scientists agree…surprise, and they fall into two camps that are aptly named “pessimists” and “optimists.” It starts with the simple fact that in 1990 there were approximately 95,000 people in American who had hit their 100^th birthdays. By the year 2015 that number had climbed to 450,000 centenarians. The numbers of supercentenarians (110years+) have also increased dramatically across the globe – in Japan, for instance, they increased sevenfold from 2005 to 2015. The record presently is with a French woman who lived to 122 years of age before she died in 1997. Back to pessimists and optimists. Pessimists hold that risk of death increases exponentially with age so that the odds just require that a person hit a limit. Optimists talk about that exponential increase being true – up to a point. That point is 80 years old. Once people reach 80, the risk of mortality plateaus with the odds of survival being all of fifty percent each year starting with 80 and stretching to … who knows where. The argument between these two camps goes on, and the data are not entirely on one side or the other. But living to 80 gets you the ticket to the next level. Those who wish to live to 150 need to get to 80, of course, and then see which school is correct. How to make it to 80? Well, the French woman smoked a cigarette most every day, had a brandy and enjoyed chocolate, so maybe there is no one path that does not also include good genes and good medical care. But scientists suggest some simple recommendations to maximize everyone’s chance to reach the 80^th birthday:
- Eat fruits and vegetables as well as whole grains
- Consume lower fat yogurt and milk products
- Serve primarily skinless poultry or fish entrees
- Munch on a variety of nuts or beans
- Cook with olive, corn, safflower or peanut oils.
And exercise 30+ minutes at least three times a week; it’s important to keep an engine running periodically so that it doesn’t “rust out.” Oh, and the pessimists and optimists…one scientist from each camp wagered on this one. Each put $150 each into a growth fund in 2000 betting that whomever is right about a documented case of anyone living to 150 years old would claim the growing fund … in the year 2150. Recall I said that this future 150 year old may already be walking among us now…let’s be on the lookout. Charlotte Bishop is a Caregiver Coach, an Aging Life Care Advisor, a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Care Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia.
Saying “yes” when someone asks you to do something can be like eating candy. It feels right or good at first bite, but the “good” feeling doesn’t last very long at all…in fact, within half an hour the sugar crash after the rush may seem so not worth it. If you are a caregiver to an older loved one, you may have found that the more times you say “yes” to the requests for help with mom the less it feels like a “good deed,” and more and more like one sugar crash after another. In fact, over time you will begin to resent the requests and the person asking the favors. It’s called burnout, and burnout is self-inflicted. What’s the solution? Learn to say “no” without apologizing, and learn to set what I have always called “loving limits,” a technique that I learned early in my career as a mother. And it works going up the family tree as well as down. The real sign that you may be approaching burnout if you are a caregiver can be found in the first emotions you feel when the favor is asked. If you find yourself looking forward to that time with mom, doing that errand with mom or whatever is being asked of you, then you are doing fine. If, on the other hand, you immediately feel your gut tighten or you feel resentful that the person is asking of your time…AGAIN or you feel just plain put out, you are on a path to burnout. So, the answer is not just saying “no.” It’s a “no thank you” with context and a bit of nuance, and it takes practice to get it right:
- I am overbooked already, but …
- I appreciate your thinking of me, but…
- That (task) is really not in my wheelhouse…
- No, I’m not a chauffer, but let’s plan on …
You’ll get creative with this language by practicing. Instead of viewing the asking party as mom and immediately feeling obligated, think of it as a request from a volunteer organization with whom you have no history of repeated “yes.” Thank the asking party for thinking of you as you decline. Ask for a delay to check your calendar. Know that you can be assertive while still being respectful…think of it as respect for you and respect for the asking party. Appreciate also that you can reverse course and say no later, explaining that you wished to give them time to find an alternative. Also, appreciate that if you have been the one to always say “yes” out of obligation or habit that you simply have to learn a new habit that honors you and honors the asking party. Think of “no” as the opportunity to reserve “yes” for when you actually have the time or the bandwidth to successfully and positively complete the task. Remember that relationships are a good deal like being good neighbors…boundaries are important for both parties’ success. Charlotte Bishop is an Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia
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I started in my last post talking about older loved ones and “aging in place.” That first post was about the aging part and Activities of Daily Living. In this installment, I have a tip on how to assess the “place” part of aging in place. I call it the “mitten test.” If you live in the upper portions of the U.S., your winter mittens may just about be ready for the storage closet. But your mittens have another useful purpose that can help you make home an easier place for your older loved ones. You can use them to identify spots in your loved one’s home that can be adapted to fit their changing capabilities. As our bodies age, certain of our nerve pathways begin to fail, and the human anatomy uncannily reroutes many of the circuits as they stop firing. But with age, more and more of those pathways may slow or fail for a variety of reasons, and it just makes it harder for older adults to do the simple manual tasks they used to do without even a thought. Turning a door knob, turning on a lamp or taking the lid off a jar become challenging, maybe even impossible. It is hard for those of you who may be in the prime of your lives to really get this, no matter how empathetic, so I recommend an easy exercise to help you experience what this erosion of manual dexterity and fine motor skills feels like. In doing so, you can also help identify challenging hardware or activities that can be more easily managed with a bit of creative help. With a pair of mittens, walk through each of the rooms in your elder loved one’s home and go through the normal activities of the person who lives in those rooms. As you enter a room, it is may be more challenging to flip a light switch or twist the switch on a lamp with your hands in mittens. These can be remedied by retrofitting wall switches with the larger rectangular switches that one merely presses on and off. Likewise, the lamp twist switches that are challenging with mittens can be replaced with wider winged grips. And even before you enter a room, the door knob may be your undoing if the knob is too small or too slippery. Handles may be an appropriate replacement. The mittens are effective barriers to everything from opening the ketchup bottle to a twisting the lid on a jar of apple sauce or beverage bottle and more. And if a key itself is hard for an older loved one to grip when opening a door, hardware stores have over-sized sheaths to make gripping easier. With your mittens still on, try tying your shoe laces or buttoning a shirt or blouse. It may be time to get creative with Velcro-equipped shoes or other substitute hardware for buttons. And go through the motions of other self-grooming activities to determine what challenges are manageable and which are just out of reach. The number of what are called “assistive devices” will amaze you as you look to television remote controls, computer access and more. Check out the Department of Health and Human Services Assistive Technology site. Charlotte Bishop is an Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Care Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia.
…which is to say that there is new research that shows exercise can help keep the brain healthy and able to produce and retain memory function! I have had a number of posts over the years on the importance of diet and exercise and their beneficial effect in helping to avoid medical issues or just in being healthy. This one is back to the healthy effects of physical activity in actually reducing the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. Recent research presented at the last meeting of the Alzheimer’s Association showed a direct link between regular exercise and an improvement in blood flow as well as reduction in the amyloid and tau levels in the brain that are the hallmarks of Alzheimer’s erosion of cognitive function. All of this works to not only stave off the debilitating cognitive impact of Alzheimer’s disease, but other forms of vascular dementia as well. Every 67 seconds in America, another person is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, so how can exercise help in warding off this condition? Research reported by scientists in Perth, Australia, followed individuals and their “brain amyloid load,” a measure which increases with the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. They grouped these patients into two types based upon level of exercise. The exercise group was comprised of those who exercised 150 minutes or more a week, and the low exercise group was those individuals who reported fewer minutes of exercise weekly. Overall, there no differences in amyloid between the two groups, but when researchers looked specifically to those who had the genetic potential for Alzheimer’s, they found that those with this genetic marker in the low exercise group were significantly higher in their levels of brain amyloid. As they more closely examined both exercise groups across those with and those without the markers, it appeared that those who exercised more were able to slow the accumulation of amyloid despite having the genetic predisposition. All of this is preliminary information, and it is yet to be seen if exercise can really delay the ultimate onset of Alzheimer’s among people who have the genes that predispose them to the condition…or for how long and by how much. It also is yet to be determined what kind of exercise may be most beneficial, but it appears that cardiovascular exercise may show the most promise. One physician at the conference also adds that so far there are no side effects from exercise which is a lot more than can be said of most FDA-approved medications for cognitive impairment. That this kind of rigorous exercise also manages blood sugar levels is an additional benefit, but the lower blood sugar levels may also be reducing another risk factor for reduced cognitive ability – reducing risk for type 2 diabetes. There is more “lifestyle” research in motion, so please stay tuned…more to come. These early results show real promise. Charlotte Bishop is an Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Care Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia.
I’ve written numerous times about distance caregiving, and one of the observations I have offered is that distance is not always measured in miles. But in the present COVID distancing, every caregiver to an older loved one finds themselves with the equivalent of a wall placed squarely between them and their loved one. And we should not really want it any other way, because we all have exposures to potential COVID carriers that we certainly would not want to share with our loved ones. But what can you do for your loved one and for you? Here are some suggestions on caring for your older loved one and you for your consideration:
- Make copies of photos taken when you were with your older loved one and send them by mail so that they can rekindle the memories just as you will;
- Send a copy of a book that will bring back memories, maybe a travel book or a childhood book that was a favorite - or musical recordings;
- Find a local food delivery services that will bring your loved one’s favorite food to their door;
- Schedule a specific coffee time to “get together” with your loved one on ZOOM or Facetime;
- If they still live in their own home, find housekeeping or other services to give them a break or just some social stimulation;
- If you are concerned about their sticking to their medication schedule, there are apps for that, many of them free;
- If they live in a sequestered community environment, call staff at different times of day and times of the week to get confirmation on how your loved one is doing;
- And this is not last in order of importance, schedule some “me-time,” because social distancing is hard on the caregiver every bit as much as it is on the care receiver.
Charlotte Bishop is an Aging Life Care Advisor, Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Creative Care Management, certified professionals who are geriatric advocates, resources, counselors and friends to older adults and their families in metropolitan Chicago. She also is the co-author of How Do I Know You? A Caregiver’s Lifesaver for Dealing with Dementia.